It was a cold day in the North Pole and Santa had grown tired of the same routine. He slumped in his old, worn red recliner covered with coffee stains and cookie crumbs. He stared at the ceiling and thought what his life had come to. His life had become more monotonous than ever. His life had no purpose until Christmas. He was a wreck. Santa laid in the recliner for hours watching soap operas before finally getting an idea. He had to somehow appeal to the newer generation of children. Maybe then he would finally feel proud of his work and put an end to his pathetic moping. Santa was going to do the unmentionable. He was going to resurrect the most important person of the time, Steve Jobs. Santa hadn’t practiced necromancy since the dark ages, but he was desperate to make this Christmas mean something to this pathetic generation. Santa searched for an hour for his old necromancy book. Once he finally found it he dusted off the cover, which was covered in thick layers of dust, and opened to the first page.
Santa had soon acquired all the necessary items for successfully resurrecting Steve Jobs. 10 billion dollars in cash, an apple, and an iPhone X. Santa drew an apple symbol on the floor with red chalk and lit 6 apple shaped candles. He set the Apple in the center of the drawn apple, the iPhone on the top and the cash on the bottom.
“Steven Paul Jobs, ut ex tumulo tua in me, et nunc iphone exercitus”.
All of a sudden a man rose from the ground, stared at Santa with piercing eyes and laughed a maniacal laugh.
“Uh, hi,” Santa said, “I have resurrected you to help me with Christmas this year, will you do my bidding?”
Steve only laughed yet another maniacal laugh and sat down at the nearby computer to produce the best iPhone yet.
In only a few hours, Steve entered the room Santa was relaxing in. He held out his hand and in it was a prototype for the next big iPhone.
After Santa had studied the new creation, Steve finally spoke, “This is the new iPhone. The iPhone Touch.” Santa and Steve shared maniacal laughter as they began to mass produce the iPhones using the elves as their assembly line slaves.
Soon it was Christmas Eve, and Santa and Steve Jobs had completed all the iPhones they needed for every single person in the world. It was time to set out into the night. Santa took Steve with him into his sleigh. They had gathered up all of the iPhone Touches and began to place them under each tree. Halfway through their journey, Steve realized something, they still had to visit Bill Gates’ house. They made their way to the Gates mansion, once there Bill sat by the fire.
“My old enemy, William Gates,” Steve remarked.
“Fight me,” Bill said. “How come iPhones get to take the spotlight this Christmas? Windows is way better, dude.” With that Bill initiated a fight.
Steve and Bill fought a fight that could go down in history as the best anime battle of all time. Though Bill was strong, Steve was stronger.
“Long live the king,” Steve said and the battle ceased.
iPhone Touch became the new thing that year, and Santa and Steve lived happily ever after.